Each day passes with lots of agony inside my troubled soul. My temperament and inability to cope with the new generation of hyperactive kids are taking a toll on my sanity. Each day I come back to my small room, lamenting that another day would come, and I'd be yelling again. Each day I dread waking up having to take a short drive to school along the badly maintained road. My 5-year-old car cries each time it hits a pothole.
Do I have a choice? Yes I do but the trouble is, I don't have the money to pack my bags and leave. I still have another 12 months to go before I can call it quits, and even when I do eventually, I need to know what lies ahead. I can't be jobless for months. A short break abroad would be nice - hopefully with a partner, if I could find one. That's still far away.
I thought that being in Singapore was bad. Well, to be fair, it was extremely challenging mentally and physically for two years but then I had support from my girlfriend (now ex) who had to listen to my dumb complaints each day and night while I don't listen to hers. However, coming back here was (and still is) a nightmare!! Who says life is good across the causeway? Certainly not in the school where I teach or even in JB. Nothing seems to be right at all. The location, the people, the environment in my rented apartment - sucks.
How long can I hold? I doubt I could wait for that 12 months to lapse, looking at how I feel each day. Some people can turn negatives into positives easily. I see kids running around like monkeys in the computer lab, am I just gonna think "Oh they're just kids and they help pay my salary". I have the urge to pull them aside and smack them in the face for misbehaving. Westerners would sue me for abusing the kid, but this is not a western country. Asians teach kids differently, but of course we don't just spank or smack kids without a reason. We are not lunatics or anti-kids. Read "Tiger Mom".
Do I have a choice? The answer is still yes, but if I choose the road less taken (by quitting and paying for breaking the contract, which is a good five-figure), I had better prepare for what the future holds. Be prepared for wagging tongues and name-calling but who cares? They're not in my shoes. There are friends who are suffering more than I at work, yet they are not leaving. The reason - "I have no choice." - yes, they have mouths to feed, a family to care for.
No one ever reads my blog, unless they bump into this by accident. So those who happen to drop by and read till here, do pray that I make a decision soon.