I've been thinking of doing this for quite some time. So, yesterday evening, I decided that after a 30-year lapse, I'm following my mom to church today (Sunday) - and I did. Whatever prior arrangements I had today was called off. Sorry, Tzu Chi... I was supposed to attend a full day volunteer training today, but I sent a message to the Commissioner to inform her that I'm withdrawing. I'll still be a volunteer, though.
Mom was so delighted that she immediately gave me the Holy Bible to read. Sorry mom, I had to do what I did because I wanted answers NOT to religious questions but answers to my own life because I've not been good enough. I brought about the divorce, and I've hurt my best friend real bad. So I can't take anymore hurt. The Bible might shed some light, but I'll have to see. I've brought pain to people (not deliberately of course), and I want God to show me the way out. I wanted to go to church not because Buddhism has failed me, but because I believe an alternative might give me what I've been looking for.
Do you know what happened when one of my mom's closest friends met me at the church entrance? She was the usher for today's service. When she saw me, she immediately put her hands together, closed her eyes and said loudly: "Praise the Lord. You're here." ... and went on to tell me that I should get my dad to join me too. She reminded me again about this after the service.
Err... excuse me. What? Hello, I'm not here to be converted yet, OK? I'm going to church to learn something. And I'm not the type of person who goes around persuading others to join the Fellowship. It's their choice; let their heart speak the way it has spoken to me. Well, to be fair, my mom's friend was just happy for me. One reason I shun away from Christianity three decades ago was because of this kind of people - they scare the heck out of me!!! I guess I was naive then. But this morning, I wasn't afraid of such people anymore because Buddhism has taught me rather well.
People who knew me as a little boy in Sunday School over 30 years ago still recognise me, and welcomed me. There were plenty of happy faces - yeah, and I still knew my way around the church despite it being heavily renovated. And you know what? Today is special because my brother, a staunch Christian, was the Worship Leader. What a coincidence! He didn't see me till toward the end of the service. As expected, he wasn't really surprised, but I know he was glad, and I'm glad my younger brother makes a good Leader. So I'm back to the Wesley Methodist Church - I guess for good.
