The Greatest Love of All

We hear of child abuse, babies being abandoned, but what we don't know is that, these kids are potential hidden jewels of this ailing world of ours. They can be the ones who would transform this world to a better place for all. Treat them well, and let them lead the way... listen. This song gives me goose pimples. It's powerful, it's beautiful. If you can't receive love, you can surely give some, and I'm certain you have some to give.

I therefore appeal to parents and future parents to be mindful of the message in this song. You don't have to spoil your child, but be firm. You may not be able to have your own child for whatever reasons, but your actions would touch the heart of every child you meet. This, in itself, is very satisfying.. and I believe, one day, I will achieve that satisfaction... you will too.

I Have a Vision...

About a fortnight ago, I was with a friend. This meeting opened my eyes about my own life. She has spent many years of her life helping children from all over the world through World Vision, an organisation that helps rural communities that are in the poverty level, so that these communities would eventually be self-sufficient and be economically better.

I heard of this organisation years ago but didn't bother much about that, though I was kind of keen to participate. But after seeing photos that my friend had taken, I made that decision to be part of this organisation. I decided to sponsor a child so that he/she would get good education, health, love and everything else basic that children ought to have. This is my vision. I didn't know what to expect, and whose child I'll be sponsoring. I did what my instinct told me to do because I wanted to help these poor people. For each child, sponsors donate RM50 (or more) monthly to provide them with basic education, health care and amenities which their villages and community need. I paid my first month's installment, and I waited.

Today, I got a letter from World Vision Malaysia. In this letter, there is a portrait photo of a little boy, complete with his profile which includes basic family background information. His name - Watthanasin, he's 9 years old, and studies in Grade 2. He lives in an agricultural province in Thailand. When I saw his photo, I fell in love with him - he's cute, and looks shy.  World Vision will give me an annual update on his progress with an updated photo. My dream is to see him one of these days...

Now, I have a "son", albeit temporarily. Watthanasin will never be my own child, I'll never get to hold his hand and walk him to school, we'll never get to meet every day or even every month, and I can never bring him home as he has his own family; nevertheless, I'll still love him. Yeah, I'm glad that now I've a "son" whom I'm sponsoring till he's old enough to be independent - perhaps in 6-7 years' time, or till his community doesn't need my sponsorship anymore. If I've the time and cash to spare, I want to have more "children" to help them lead a good life.

I guess life is not about more making money, being materialistic, or pursuing the highest qualifications. It's about helping others live a normal, good life, too. I pray to God that by helping Watthanasin and hopefully others (God willing), I will have a transformed life. I don't know what awaits me.

I do know that now I have a small responsibility. My responsibility is to remember my vision of helping Watthanasin grow; my responsibility is to stay in touch with my "son" by snail mail which will be delivered to him via World Vision Thailand.

NOTE: For security and privacy reasons, I can't publish the photo of this child, or reveal the exact location.

Here's Walter

This is one good video clip. It really is a creative use of the English language that makes people laugh. If you've seen it, then watch again :)

Enjoy!

Takda Anak Susah, Ada Pun Susah

Once we arrive at a certain age, our parents and relatives will ask that dreaded question:

"So, when are you going to settle down? You're not young anymore you know?"

Fine, then we happily got married (except yours truly), we are asked another dreaded question:

"Time to start a family, la. The older you get, the more difficult to conceive..."

OK, fine. We finally have children. As if that's not enough, there's more to come. This time, it's the complaints. My nephew is now 2-years-old, and his sleeping pattern is inconsistent. Often, when my mother invites my brother to this house for dinner, they'll be late because they don't want to disturb the sleeping child or else that boy would create a big fuss and show tantrums. And each time there's such an invitation, I'd hear this in the kitchen:

"Every time so late. Why can't they just get the kid into the car and come (sleeping or not)?" - mom's also afraid that the food would be cold by the time they arrive. I told her that it won't get cold so quickly. When mom makes noise, dad would do the same. So he actually said this:

"Next time, no need to invite them. Wait for the kid to be older."

It's annoying. It's the same old story each freaking week! Today, I just couldn't tolerate the same comments, so I had to open my mouth and say something to my parents:

"Look, you want a grandchild, now you've got it... it's up to them how they wanna bring up their kid. ... different kids are brought up in different ways" - it is true. No two children are brought up the same way. My siblings and I all have different characters, not only because of genetics, but it's environment, too. I may have no right to speak because I'm not a parent, yet I'm concerned about the unnecessary family tension.

I even added:

"When their daughter is born later, there could be more "problems"... you wait and see." - I certainly anticipate that if having one kid causes noise in THIS house, having another one would be worse. My sister-in-law is gonna give birth end of this year.

I feel sorry for my brother and my sister-in-law. Invited to dinner, but have to face the brunt of people who dislike late-comers, and want things their way. In a way, I'm a bad person blogging about this, but I still do it because I'm sad.

Sigh, I just don't know why this happens. And I wonder if it's the same in all families. I guess it's just the norm... "Nah, they just say things like that, but they don't mean it." - often, out of anger, we lash things out, not knowing that others are listening, and they won't know if what you have said was what you really meant.

I Went but Not Conquered

Today's a Saturday. I woke up later than usual - 8:04 AM - yes, later. I guess all the exhaustion of work has taken its toll because by 5:00PM, i'd already be half asleep! Yes, indeed mental exhaustion. The sun was shining brightly, and I eagerly wanted to get my chores done. Did some laundry, then went to breakfast.

At my regular breakfast outlet, I noticed a familiar car parked in a spot. I checked the registration plate - yup, I know that car. I didn't want to stop, so I made a detour and went elsewhere. I knew what I wanted to eat today, but the other shops were FULL or half-full of customers - I dislike crowds. So I returned to the first outlet and checked to see if the car was still there. It wasn't there anymore.

I know I'm gonna see that car or its passengers again some time in future. I also know I can't be avoiding this forever. When it happens again, I've to put on a bold front, put on a smile, or gather enough courage to wave at them and just sit far away because although I know them, I have become their enemy #1.

So, I ate, came home and did a bit of vacuuming. I noticed hairline cracks appearing on the walls... if only someone could call and talk to me.

But then... maybe i've to look for someone to talk to.

The Party that Wasn't

Last night, my parents and I were invited to a cousin's house for a house-warming dinner. It was a small yet nice house - it was a cozy home. I was looking forward to it until more people came in, and they started talking. I felt ... alone because previously, each time I attended a dinner or a function, I was accompanied by my ex-wife. Throughout the dinner, though I have seen many of them before, I remained silent and sat in a corner. Much later, I gathered the courage and managed to talk to another cousin of mine for a while.

Then the elderly aunts and my dad started talking about the family tree. They were curious how we are all related. One of them, Aunt Ruby, who knows my family and I well started taking notes and drawing the family tree. I was curious so I got to the table and watched. She was drawing up my family tree. She asked for my name, and I gave it to her.

"Eh, what's your wife's name? ..." she asked. She knows that I'm divorced. Dad protested: "No need!!" but she insisted that her name should still be in there. Not knowing what to do, I just gave the name to Aunt Ruby, though I felt awkward. Dad still protested but kept quiet after that.

Then a younger cousin whom we have never met started taking photos so that she knows who her relatives are. She called every one she knew last night, who is related to her.

She called my parents and I for a snapshot. "Eh! Your wife?"

I just said: "No", and mom also said: "No wife"...

I couldn't wait for the party to end. It was like waiting for all eternity for the party to end, though eventually I did talk to Aunt Ruby who's talkative as usual.

You know, people are usually so excited about attending gatherings and parties because they know it's gonna be plenty of fun and socialising. I wonder... when am I going to be able to attend parties without feeling alone again. The food was undeniably tasty, better than the ones I ate at some of the wedding dinners I had attended... so the food was the only thing that I looked forward to last night.

A friend whom I recently met said that when she lost her fiance long ago, it took her four years to pick her life up again; it was too traumatic. Her statement freaked me out. Four years is a very long time to suffer, and I wonder if I'd be in the same boat. It's easy for others to tell me ... "Move on, forget about the past" ... but they're not in my situation. They have never felt what it is like to lose someone and stay alone. Even some friends would stay away from us because they don't want to be dragged into sadness... in the end, you have to fight your own battle - I have to do that.

Life is unfair... really unfair. But that's life. It's also just luck and karma that things like this happen. Those who don't believe in karma would say that it's God's work; He has plans for me. No matter what, the pain will continue to linger.

When is My Turn?

When I browse blogs, I notice that many parents write about their children. You could actually follow their personal development on a regular basis, and how these parents handle situations. In each of these blogs, I see descriptions, photos and even video clips of the happiness that a child brings to the parents.

When I found my ex-classmates whom I've not seen in over 30 years on Facebook, I chatted with them, and they proudly say that they've kids - one even has six of them - and they've a family photo album on display. When they asked me "What about you? How many kids?", I knew what I had to reply. Yeah, of course I've another ex-classmate who's also in the same boat as I am, and there are thousands who live a joyful single life till the end of time, but that's not the focus here.

When I see my brother carrying his child, I see love, peace and joy. I would certainly like to carry my nephew each day but I can't, for he is not my child. It would be a joy to see your child turn, crawl, walk and ultimately talk at different stages of their lives. It is euphoric to hear the first babble and then the call for mommy and daddy.

Each day,  I have a great dream that one day - one fine day - I'll be a father and experience fatherhood like the rest of you. I don't know if I'll be a good father - I've lost a chance to be one. I don't have a clue if I'll ever get a second chance. Maybe better not because I've a bad temperament, and I'm impatient.

When is my turn? Don't ask because there's no answer; don't expect because it is gonna hurt... Only God knows.

But to all parents - new or experienced - out there, be thankful that you have a bundle of joy that was given to you by the Almighty. It doesn't matter if they're michievous, very naughty or throw tantrums every second. That is your gift. After all, they're kids - white sheets of cloth ready for you to paint pictures on them. Educate and treat them with kindness, respect and love; they will reciprocate. Eventually, the picture you get would be a very pretty and memorable one.