Silent Heartbreaker

Question: What's worse than a heart attack?
Answer: A heartbreak

While a heart attack could possibly be genetic, a heartbreak is not. Any one of us could suffer from a heartbreak at any point in our lives, some more often, while others none at all.

Believe it or not, the broken heart syndrome causes the release of plenty of stress hormones (adrenaline), making the heart weaker and temporarily "stunned".

"Acute emotional stress, such as being involved in a car crash, losing a loved one, losing your job, going through a divorce, having a bad boss and experiencing natural disasters such as tsunami or earthquake, are known to be triggers in healthy adults... (Dr. Zulkeflee Muhammad, Clinical Cardiologist, NHI Malaysia)" - Read more here.

In Malaysia, when someone loses a loved one and is heartbroken, they're left to deal with the situation on their own. Some managed to wake up and move on easily, while others struggle for years before they could stand on their own, and there are some unfortunate ones who would take their own lives to end their miseries.

Family members can't do much, relatives just make a mockery of the loss (esp. if it's a divorce), colleagues lend both ears but only to give you a chance to speak to "someone" whom you badly need. Going to a psychiatrist costs money, not to mention that people's perception of you change the minute they know that you've gone to a shrink. Where is the Support Group? None... not in Malaysia. Here, you'll need to be a member of a religious community in order to be "saved".

So what happens to those who have this broken heart syndrome? We can only pray for them that they will eventually see the light, and if possible, be with them as much as we can - not just to listen, but to comfort and to guide. Leave them alone, and chances are, they will go astray.

Melaka Holiday, So...

It's a holiday today - a special holiday to commemorate Melaka as a Developed City. It's a one-off holiday, and I got to know via office e-mail yesterday evening. There was a big celebration at a stadium, and a really horribly massive jam that puts the jam in Fed Highway to shame.

This morning, the weather has been really gloomy. Thought of cutting the grass, but I it rained last night. The grass was wet, so cannot cut using the machine. I went out, had my breakfast at a mamak store nearby, eating the roti canai again. I got home and the first thing I did was to turn on Astro, the radio channel, loudly. Silence often kills me. I then went upstairs and ironed my shirts - well, not an expert - but at least the creases are not very noticeable. I rested a while and checked my e-mail. Nope, nothing to read.

Then I took out the vacuum cleaner and sucked out all the dust in my bedrooms upstairs and downstairs. Floor feels cleaner but not clean enough. I shall mop the floor another day. Once done, I rested and surfed the net, checked Facebook for any updates on anything interesting. Made a couple of comments here and there.

My Yahoo Messenger and MSN have been very eerily silent... and my mind is idling again. Before I become nuts and go to Tanjung Rambutan, I picked up the phone and called home.

"Hi, I'm going home for lunch." - I told dad.

"Why? Anything wrong?"

"No... today holiday what."

"Huh? Oh, you also holiday ah..."

OK... so i'm gonna take a shower now, then go to wherever I'm supposed to go and have lunch with my parents and cousins.

If only I were a computer...

It is Interest...Again

I was surfing aimlessly a few minutes ago, and stumbled across a video clip in The Star Online. I wasn't interested in the girl in the video, but I was more interested in how she got to where she is now. And I discovered that luck (again) plays a role. She was a college student, but dropped the psychology course she took, and focused on her interest - photography. The money allocated for her studies were invested in getting a DSLR - and it's a Canon (i'm not advertising for this company, ok). She began shooting non-stop over 2 years, and people noticed her work.. and it all started from there.

Why am I attracted to this video? It's not because of the 19-year-old teen, but it's the fact that she dared to defy her initial ambition, drop everything related studies, and pursue her interest... and it paid off. They are bold.... very bold indeed.



Moral of the Story: If you've an interest, pursue it. Unless you're a book worm, forget about getting that paper qualification which is not related to your interest. Nowadays, having tertiary qualification doesn't guarantee you a job.

The Middle Finger

Every morning when I wake up, I try bloody hard to make my day look good. However, it's easier said than done. Forcing as much as I can to be OK, my mind suddenly goes on auto pilot, takes over and ruins half the day. I just don't know how other singles or "singles" do it - but then, maybe they're in a different position.

You know the feeling? You wanna get on with life - that's what people have been telling you, and that's what you really want to do - but each time you thought that you're on the road to freedom, it hits a snag, you pull back and get into a depression all over again.

Sometimes, I am successful in handling my emotions. I come to office feeling euphoric, that nothing could stop me from feeling great, and that things will be fine today. Well, it always doesn't last long. I don't know why. People have advised me to join this and that to help me get back on my feet; well, I did join this and that, but maybe I've not been commtted enough. Perhaps it has something to do with my level of stress the day before and will continue to increase. Who says teaching is "an easy job" just because we have "nothing much to do", "get to go home early" and have "many holidays"? Fuck you, if you have this notion. We have other unseen and unappreciated duties on our plate besides moulding teens into useful and knowledgeable citizens.

Now, if I add work-related stress to my own personal stress, what do I get? A total wreck!! If not for my logic and some supportive "Samaritans", I'd have dug my own grave and be buried long ago; it's because of logic that I'm still holding on till today. Ironically, this logic is not helping me to make good, solid decisions. So I end up fumbling, and falling down real hard over and over again. It's hard for me to understand how some people's lives appear to be cut out nicely for them - perhaps it's their "karma", or God bless them more - I donno. Yeah, yeah... I know on the surface things look good for them, but who knows what problems they have, eh? You look at them... wah, so "easy" life; they get what they want. Don't ask also sometimes they get, and you wanna be like them, but you know it's stupid because you can't be them, let alone be like them. You're just who you are; so just live with whatever meagre luck you have been blessed with. I'm not looking at materialistic stuff - that's just not me. I don't wish for the latest gadgets for Christmas or a big win in Magnum. I'm just trying to look for ways to be happy... is that too much to ask? How do I tell my brain to stop fucking things up, and let me live a cheerful and contented person like many of you out there?

So, here comes the big question. What am I gonna do to make things better for me?

Answer: ... just continue PRAYING and BELIEVING in the power of prayer that I will never have to go through this immense internal suffering. I just wanna be FREE from the shackles of this trauma, and be the normal person that I used to be a long time ago. Don't be fooled; praying alone isn't enough. God won't come down to Earth and rescue me. I have to DO something to make it work.



The Dark Side of 10-10-10

Only two days ago, some of us were celebrating Triple Ten Day. However, on that very same day, others were mourning the death of their loved ones. It has been the talk of the entire nation. See these pix:

Well, I don't know what to say about this accident. It's a national disaster. What could have caused such a disastrous accident that killed so many lives? The bus was torn apart in the mishap! So were some of the cars! There were plenty of gory scenes there. May their souls rest in peace.

The Triple Ten

Tomorrow, 10 Oct. 2010 is Triple Ten Day. It occurs once every 100 years. What's the significance of this day? Absolutely nothing besides the fact that the date contains three 10's. However, to many humans on this planet, Triple Ten Day calls for a celebration. I bet at Padang Merdeka or some other open areas or club houses, people are all ready with their party hats and beer bottles to welcome this day, which is like 3 hours from now.

What's gonna happen on this day? Couples will tie the knot because the date is unique (forget about geomancy or looking at "good" dates for marriage), and you'll never forget your wedding anniversary. Cool. Not only that, many couples would force childbirth, not knowing the effects it has on the newborn. 

What am I gonna do? Err... nothing. I'll still go to church, I'll still be around for sure.

"Go la and enjoy the celebration!" - whatever for? Not now... not just yet. But to those who will join the party tonight, have fun and remain sober. Don't forget to pray for those who are unable to celebrate due to unforeseen circumstances.

UPDATE: Acccording to a renown Feng Shui master, Triple Ten Day is good only for those born in the Year of the Snake... and I know someone who's born in this year. So, God Bless You, and all of us today.

 

Never Stop Loving You

I was driving to work early this morning, and I heard the song entitled "Never Gonna Stop Loving You" - and I started pondering the lyrics - hey, am I not supposed to be driving? In reality, if you have this kind of woman who sticks with you no matter what (as long as you have space to move), you're truly blessed. But in reality, this doesn't happen to everyone. I also wonder why the tune of the song is so lively and cheerful... maybe it's telling us not to be sad when someone dumps you... maybe the lyricist is plain lousy. No matter what, just ignore the video clip which I find rather annoying - but listen to the song - as I see not much of a link between the clip and the song but it certainly makes a good workout song.

Never Gonna Stop Me From Loving You
(Sonia Evans)

Even when you're home

You won't pick up your phone

And take my call

When I see you on the street

You stare down at your feet

You won't talk at all

If only you would see me

One more time and maybe

Someday, you will find

That you could really love me

You could really need me

Maybe you could change your mind

But you'll never stop me from loving you

It doesn't really matter

what you put me through

You'll never stop me from loving you

When I know that you're alone

I wander to your home

And catch a glimpse or two

It seems that all the time

The thought is on my mind

Of being with you

The times I've tried to see you

You know I would meet you

Any time, night or day

But still you just refuse

And no matter what you do

I'll never let you get away

But you'll never stop me from loving you

It doesn't really matter

what you put me through

You'll never stop me from loving you

Oh, woh, you'll never stop

me from loving you

Wherever you gon' go, I will follow you

You'll never stop me from loving you

Oh, woh, oh, woh

Never stop

Never stop me

Oh, oh, oh woh, oh woh

Never stop

Never stop me

If only you would see me

One more time and maybe

Someday you will find

That you could really love me

You could really need me

Maybe you could change your mind

But you'll never stop me from loving you

It doesn't really matter

what you put me through

You'll never stop me from loving you

Oh, woh, you'll never stop

me from loving you

Wherever you gon' go I will follow you

You'll never stop me from loving you