I became part of the divorce statistics in early 2010. You know what? Both of us didn't want it to happen, yet it happened. Yeah, it was partly my fault too. However, I am not gonna put all the burden of this divorce onto my own shoulders, as in a relationship, it takes two to tango. Whatever it is, I'm not a womanizer and I don't rob wives from their husbands. And, yes, it could've been reconciled, but I just let her go in peace since she and her parents (yeah, they came over with her to announce the divorce to my parents) don't want me into their life anymore. So be it.
How's life been after that? A simple answer: Very traumatic initially.
The first two months especially were excruciatingly painful for me. I was absolutely lost, and I felt like a zombie. I didn't know what the heck I was doing at the office, and each day I wondered what had actually hit me. I talked to friends, relatives and online buddies. They gave the same advise..."Move on with your life" - and that's about it. They then left me all on my own. Mom and dad advised me to start socialising and meeting more people. Only one person has been around till today to try lift me up back on my feet. The attempt has been quite successful.
Here's a list of what I did to try get back my sanity:
- subscribed to online MSN matchmaking (wanted to look for new partner)
- joined Tzu Chi (wanted to meet more people)
- played badminton (to get some exercise)
- bought a new Digital SLR (to relive my former hobby)
Did doing all that help? Very little because till today, after 6 months of being single, the painful thoughts recur. I realise that I have been too quick in trying to solve my traumatic experience. If you pour boiling water into an empty glass immediately, chances are, the glass will crack or even break! But if you pour it gradually, it won't. That's the analogy of my life then. I was too quick in trying to get out of the cell, and it nearly cost me my own life. My blood pressure (BP) shot up to 169/80, and that's really bad. I checked my BP again yesterday morning and it was down to 128/80 - almost normal. My BP has been fluctuating over the past months. Only now, it's beginning to stabilize.
Lessons learnt:
- never start looking for another relationship immediately
- get involved in an activity or two but don't overdo it
- the emotional pain lingers for a certain duration
- some friends are not friends at all
- do whatever you can, but let Nature take its course
- expect nothing, and you'll probably get something
I've written an article. Read it here. It was published in the New Straits Times recently. You'll get to know more about me in my future postings.
