A Grave Concern

A Prayer for Healing Cancer

Heavenly Father, I come before you with a solemn heart and in need of your intercession. I pray that the cancer that has come into my father's life soon fades into a quick remission.

I believe in your capacity for miracles, and ask for this on his behalf. As we grow older, I know we become closer to the day you accept us back into your kingdom. I ask that you delay that holy union if it be your will. In your name I pray,

Amen.

*********************************

July 3, 2013 was a day to remember. Just the night before, dad made a crucial phone call to my brother, Daniel as he needed to see a doctor as soon as possible. Dad had never in his life agreed to see a doctor; other than having his routing check-up for hypertension at a local physician's; he did not believe that going to the doctor is of any good if one had good eating habit and exercise. He believed in self-medication, so a flu does not warrant a visit to a doctor. However, that day was different. He had bad stomach discomfort that night; he had constipation a few days, so Dan sent him to the hospital. The doctor ordered an endoscopy, which could only be done the following day. Nevertheless, he was given a solution to be drunk so that his bowels could be emptied prior to the scope.

Dad exercises regularly, doing his regular brisk walks each morning, and he watches his diet though he loves drinking sweet stuff. He said it was fine as he was on medication, and he controls his food intake. He gives advise to anyone who falls ill like he's a medical officer himself. No one could blame him for that as he is a very well-read person, and his knowledge in medical stuff is quite impressive. To keep his mind sane, he tends to his garden, plays Sudoku on his favourite rattan chair. He is not afraid to speak his mind at meetings though he knows that sometimes it's futile. Nevertheless, he managed to get some things done, much to the appreciation of the community. Dad has a good reputation, and when it comes to religious rites, even the elders would approach him for advice. He exudes that authority as he had been through a lot in the past seven decades of his life. Whether or not we, his children, are able to keep up to his reputation is left to be seen.

On that morning, at the hospital, the blood test was administered first. At about 12:30PM that day, Dan sent me a text message to inform me that a blood test was done and that dad would be going through the CT scan soon. The diagnosis would be known after lunch at about 2:30PM. I waited at work, but my mobile phone was eerily silent. All the way to work, on the bus, I had flashback of what dad had done for me, and what could happen if something went terribly wrong. I was teary that afternoon. It was the longest an hour-and-a-half bus ride ever. I couldn't wait any longer, so I picked up the phone and called my younger brother.

Dan said in a rather normal tone, “You cannot wait for me to text you, huh?”

“So, how's it?” I replied his rhetorical question.

Daniel's voice became even softer, “Very bad. Cancer... fourth stage already.”

I was dumbfounded; I just couldn't believe it was cancer, and worse still, there is still no cure for it. Daniel gave me the details, and I was even sadder to find out that the cancer was metastatic – it had spread to the lungs and the bones. The doctor didn't encourage chemotherapy as it would aggravate his pain and suffering, so he was discreetly telling us that my dad has to live with it without any treatment besides popping in pain killers. I was horrified. All of us were. We didn't know how much time we had left to be with him before he departs this cruel cancerous world. It didn't take me long to decide to go home that weekend rather than to wait, as anything could happen. Never mind if I had to arrive home close to midnight. Never mind if I had to take a pay cut. Family comes first.

Dad was calm, as if in anticipation of the prognosis. Maybe he didn't know but he had accepted his fate as a result of his religious beliefs. He was positive about it and even joked with the doctor that it was a bonus to live up till seventy-four while many of his friends and relatives had passed on. He was mentally strong and prepared for any eventualities.

An endoscopy was done the next day to find out if there was any growth in the stomach. Thank goodness, other than a benign “growth” which the doctor assured was not harmful, his stomach was clear. We were elated to hear that piece of good news; it was a consolation at least. The thought of our dad having cancer bugged us the next 48 hours; it was like a nightmare. We have to wake up from this nightmare, and move on.

No one knew how it all happened. Being one of the silent killer diseases, cancer doesn't come knocking at your door. My dad doesn't smoke or drink alcohol. The doctor suspected that it originated from the lung, so my guess is that it happened way back. Dad loved going outdoors and is an active person. He was a sportsman during his school days. He was a scout. Could it be the accumulated smog in his weak lungs as a result of long exposures to outdoor activities over the decades have caused cancer? The recent haze even made it worse. Last year in 2012, he travelled to China with mom, and it was an excruciatingly painful experience for him, as he had to be wheeled out of the plane when he arrived at the airport. His health went sliding down after that, and took quite a long time to recover. Was that the initial sign of cancer which no one saw? I have no answer, no one has.

Saturday 7 June. I took the night bus home straight from work. It was a four-hour ride, and I almost got left behind at the immigration checkpoint. My sister, Kath, had warned me days earlier that dad looked different. I wondered how much different he could be. I saw dad for the first time after the prognosis, sitting on his chair with the television watching him. Kath and mom greeted me outside. My cousin picked me up from a bus stop as she knew it would be hard to get a taxi at around midnight. I guess they were all waiting up for me to arrive. No red carpet needed. Dad had been sleeping early the past two days but today, dad was wide awake.

Indeed, dad looked – different. It was like his hair had greyed so much, and what had happened to his eyebrow? I saw paleness all over his face. He was more gaunt than before, but not ghostly. The first thing I asked dad was, “Are you ok?” - I got the silent treatment. Obviously it was a stupid question to ask no matter how noble my intention was then. When Kath and my niece were in bed, dad, mom and I talked.

Dad's voice wasn't as commanding as before; it was coarse, feeble but he could talk. At least he could still eat albeit a loss of appetite. I discovered that he had been on a painkiller and also on medication to help him sleep. That can't be good at all. He couldn't sit long as he would feel discomfort after a while. When he woke up each time, his back would hurt and mom had to apply ointment. Dad and mom urged me to be more responsible and caring especially to my siblings. How was I uncaring toward them, I couldn't figure out. My nature is such that I would avoid any kind of confrontation the minute I smell it a mile away, if I could. Accuse me for being uncaring, I shall not rebel anymore; time will tell eventually. When there was a pause as we were watching television, dad told me.

“I want you to tell you something. Now, listen carefully. When I die, I want to be cremated, and the ashes thrown into the sea. I've called Thomas, and he will handle everything. So you don't have to worry about coming back to clean the grave on Cheng Beng (All Souls Day), or go to the temple to pray; if you want to remember me, do so in your heart. I've already told Kath and Daniel about this and they're agreeable to it.”

My sister cried buckets when she heard dad's wish, I was told. I suppose she wanted something tangible to remember him. Mom then asked if I were agreeable to that dad's wish. That was a dying man's wish for goodness sakes, so how could I disagree? Besides, I was, in a way, glad that dad could foresee our inability to fulfil the responsibility of being diligently praying and cleaning at the tombstone each year like what he had been doing for my late grandparents. He said that times were different now; my late grandfather, apparently wanted the same, but in those days, cremation was hardly ever considered. So, dad was prepared for anything, for he had summoned the cousin who knows the Chinese traditions and funeral rites to make all funeral arrangements when he eventually departs.

My aunt and uncle came from Kuala Lumpur the following day. They brought with them the snake grass plant – not the commercial ones sold in some orchards or shops. This plant, my aunt claimed, could help reduce the cancer markers, and testified that one of her friends had the number of cells reduced from 14,000 to only 500. In fact, another of my aunt also gave the same remedy although it had been packed into a powder form. I honestly do not know if this plant could help lung metastases, or advanced stage cancer, but since there is no modern wonder drug to help besides going through the painful chemotherapy, dad had nothing to lose. We shall all wait in anticipation to see if traditional medication works.

I surfed the Net to find out if there was any latest treatment for cancer, though I didn't expect to see any cure in the next hundred years. Sadly, there isn't any besides chemotherapy, and exposure to radiation which destroys the good cells. I thought that being in Singapore might be helpful as the country excels in providing medical care. An ex-nurse then told me of a breakthrough drug called Oxynorm. My excitement was temporary; my heart sank as this drug is what I term as the terminal drug – it's just one level below morphine. It is merely a sedative for very severe pain. I didn't want my dad to be too sedated; he would then be a “live” vegetable. I would rather have him move about – although slow – so that he didn't feel helpless, and mom thought the same, too. I've also checked out websites on the life span of cancer patients. It was rather disheartening to find out that on average, Stage 4 patients die in 8 months, though there were cases of such people living a few years more. It depends on a variety of factors, mainly age and overall health condition.

Mom reminded me to pray each time I called home; I have done that, and will continue to do so. In fact, I took a step further by seeking prayers for cancer healing online. The prayer on the top of this page bears testimony to my effort. I've also mentioned my dad's condition to a Christian website called YMI Blogging; they responded, and I believe they prayed too. I've also posted a request for prayer on another website for the online community to pray for my ailing dad, if they wish to do so. I had literally got the cyberworld involved in this special prayer. God listens, and miracles do happen. After all, has He not healed the sick? I had to be realistic as well, for not all prayers are answered in the way we wanted it to. Dad would still die before my next trip home, if God chooses to and if it were for our good. So I wouldn't expect anything except continue praying especially for my own strength to move on.

On the following day, July 8, the three siblings sat down to discuss the next course of action. I had expected some squabbles as I was the only eldest, and by the Chinese tradition, the male has to be more responsible, yet I chose to leave home to earn a living in Singapore, about a 4-hour ride by bus. I had no choice as I needed to service two large loans monthly. I had expected my fiery younger sister to insist that I return to Malaysia to work and take care of mother when dad eventually passes on. After all, Kath did tell Dan about it, and the latter sent me an SMS to inform me of their wish. Thankfully, there wasn't any argument about my status. The discussion focused on whom to pay the utility bills and how to help ease the old folks' burden. So we decided that we would share the bills – medical and utility. Dan would also get a wheelchair for dad (and I guess that's for mom too some day). I'll be pumping in more money monthly for household expenses via overseas transaction. Thank God for the Internet. Mom was appreciative of our effort, especially our mutual decision to keep the house no matter what, and treat it as a home where gathering takes place once a year on Chinese New Year. At least we have a place to stay, not in a posh hotel.

I went back to Malacca (home) again on 21 July. This time, I did not take leave. I decided to try making a quick visit then travel back to Singapore in time for work on Tuesday. Dad's condition was not much better. He appeared to be worse; he was more breathless and spend more time in the room due to extreme discomfort on the back. The traditional Chinese medication (TCM) which he took caused him to go to the toilet more often. Apparently that was expected, as it meant his body had lots of toxic. So it was a detoxifying process. That explained his weakness. He would continue on TCM – he had nothing to lose. I felt really sad when I saw his condition; he was as grumpy as before, and gets agitated easily (I would if I were in pain), and poor mom had to keep attending to his every need. I was there too to render any assistance I could. Things like pouring water for him to drink, checking if he's alright once a while, answering phone calls, and I even shaved his stubbles for him when mom suggested that dad should shave. I did so carefully, though I wasn't too sure how to get it done from where dad sat. He was seated on the low plastic chair, so I had to manipulate my hand, squat and whatever to get it done carefully – yup, mom certainly didn't expect ME to do that as she's always thought that I'm the uncaring one. Not bad at all, he's quite cleanly shaved.

On 23 July, I returned to Singapore.

I spent a few more days there until I got a message on 26 July, Friday evening from my cousin May (she works in SG), telling me that I had to call home urgently . My sister had tried in vain to get in touch with me, but she eventually did. I found out that dad has been hospitalised at a private medical centre, as he had bad stomach pain, and he could hardly move. Later, I was told that his blood pressure had also dropped so low that he was in a shock; dad almost died at home if not for the timely presence of my cousin Alex, a doctor, who was actually supposed to be out of town already but somehow stayed back in Malacca a little longer. With his help, dad was admitted to hospital alive but barely awake. The ambulance took a good 50 minutes to arrive!! Talking about inefficiency. The telephone operator had asked dozens of questions when one of our relatives called for the ambulance. Hopeless! I had to take leave again, but thankfully, the Human Resources Manager assisted me in getting replacements. I took a two-day leave (pay will be deducted as usual).

Saturday, July 27. It was the day when my dad was warded in the Mahkota Medical Centre hospital. He was scanned a few times; he had also lost lots of blood (no thanks to the TCM's so-called detoxifying process). He had loss blood through his stool. Dr Francis also found that his duodenum had a small perforation. In addition, he informed me that that TCM contains steroids, is acidic and could possibly cause damage to the stomach. It was unbelievable, and horrifying. When I saw dad in the hospital, he was extremely weak and in excruciating pain. I spent that night with dad in the two-bedded hospital ward. I hadn't had any rest since 7:00AM as I went to the hospital directly from Singapore. I decided that I should spend another night, so I was with him on both Saturday and Sunday.

I hardly slept on both nights as I kept vigil over dad, to see if he needed anything. In the two days with dad, I saw how much he had suffered in pain. At a few instances, he had indicated that he wanted to die. On my first night with him, he said: “You people are useless; cannot do anything for me.” - an initial sign that he was ready to leave this world. The second night was even more nightmarish for me. His breathing was much heavier, but the machine showed that his vital signs were normal. I know because I observed and I inquired each time the nurse came to check on him.

At one point, dad told me to help him turn (knowing it's painful), and when he did turn, his hand tried to reach for the machine to pull the out the tubes. I immediately summoned the nurses who came running in. They tried to talk to my dad; he said in a loud voice, exasperated: “My time is not up yet” - the nurses told him to calm down and not say anything rash. Dad stared at me and gestured that he wanted a lethal injection to end his pain – and life. I conveyed his intention to the nurses. After some words of comfort by the nurses, dad quietened, and the nurses left the room.

Dad was in such a pain on the second night that I felt so helpless, and scared – so scared that I tried to hide behind the curtain that separated the two beds (the other bed was vacant). I couldn't sleep at all, I wanted to make sure dad was still alive. He survived another day.

Monday came. Dad's condition wasn't getting any better despite being pumped in with Oxynorm, a strong painkiller. He spent far less time talking and used gestures instead. He could still feel the pain, and it had made him very drowsy. Surprisingly, he was aware of his surroundings. He gathered his strength and told me to get in touch with a few people; he also gestured that he wanted someone to pray for him daily. We did what he had wanted. That night, it was Dan's turn to keep a night watch on dad. Mom, Kath and I were at the hospital first that evening. Both Mom and Kath were at his flanks. Sensing their presence, dad pulled Mom's hand to his chest, then he took Kath's hands as well and pulled them closer. It was a final non-verbal message from him to advise both Mom and Kath to be good to each other, as he knew that both of them are always at loggerheads. It was a touching moment. We comforted him, we told him it was alright if he left us, and he could go in peace. Dan came in later, missing the drama. The four of us gathered – little did we know that it was our last meeting with dad. I touched dad's hand and talked to him; I cried like crazy as I told him how great he was, and asked for forgiveness as I couldn't help him during my two-day night watch; I cried so hard that my sister had to tell me to stop. They, surprisingly, didn't cry that much. Before we left for home, I said a little prayer to him. I choked as I prayed: “Heavenly Father, please take good care of him. I know that he will be in good hands. In Jesus name, Amen!” - I felt like a kid after being caned by his mother. With those words, the three of us left the hospital at approximately 10:00PM.

Tuesday, 30 July. It was a quiet night. We were fast asleep when my phone rang in the wee hours of the morning; it was just 2:30AM. My brother called, and said in a solemn voice: “Papa has slipped away.” I was speechless for a moment. I was the first to know, and I woke Mom up. She was shocked that he went so quickly when the doctor said he could last a few days. Dad was pronounced dead at 2:11AM. My brother wasn't even aware until he opened his eyes in the room and saw the nurses with the heart recovery machine. Dad had stopped breathing. I was supposed to leave for Singapore that same morning, so I had to cancel my plan, and extended my leave to two weeks.

We were glad we said what we had to say; we asked for forgiveness. I kissed his forehead hours before he passed on, and I wonder now if I did say that I loved him, or was it just an imagination. I couldn't recall as everything went by so quickly.

MAY YOU REST IN PEACE, DAD

The 1-Malaysia Crap

5 May 2013 was a day Malaysians will remember. I call it a Dark Day for the simple reason that our hopes for a better future were shattered. What transpired the entire week later gave us firmer reasons to believe that the change that we have been clamouring for will be close to impossible.

 

When the election results were announced, National Front a.k.a Barisan Nasional (BN) - the ruling party - had won, albeit by an even smaller margin compared to 2008. In fact, it was reported that BN's performance was the worst in the Malaysian history. Despite being victorious, they were dissatisfied, and had to get a scapegoat to cover their embarrassing faces. Being the sour grapes they are, the BN government led by PM Najib called their loss a "Chinese Tsunami", implying that the Chinese rejected the government, and were the main cause of their dismal performance. From that day onwards, Malaysians saw headlines in the media of how ungrateful the Chinese have been. Whiffs of racial sentiments were blown across the country by irresponsible BN politicians each day. We see new articles in the media to condemn the Chinese who have been hurt by baseless accusations and condemnations.

• http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/zul-noordin-fans-chinse-tsunami-row-says-dap-behind-may-13/ 
• http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/former-judge-calls-on-malays-to-be-strong-and-aggressive/ 
• http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/utusan-continues-to-question-chinese-vote-claims-racist-dap-lied/ 

"Utusan Malaysia", a pro-BN paper was ruthless when the headline "Apa lagi Cina mahu?" (What else do the Chinese want) was splash big on its front page. It doesn't take a political scientist to read between the lines. Their agenda, I believe, was to cause even more hatred to the Chinese amongst Malaysians, and the BN has given them the green light to do so. The editor's analysis on BN's loss and the Chinese's "contributions" to the loss was indeed a lame one.

So what's the point of having the "1-Malaysia" slogan that BN has been harping about when we have individuals and the media who work for the BN sowing seeds of hatred and lighting up flames of racism each time something goes wrong? And why is it the Chinese have become victims all the time?

The massive post-election rally in Petaling Jaya the day after the elections was proof that the Chinese were not to be blamed for BN's loss. There were evidences that the results were unreliable due to fraudulent activities that occurred on the night of 5 May. It was reported that close to 50,000 were there to listen to ousted ex-Deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim speak to call for a clean election and to call for an investigation into electoral fraud. Attendees came from all walks of life, braving the rain and traffic congestion to show solidarity. Malaysians showed their indivisibility that night, and we should NEVER let a few moronic, selfish politicians to break this unity.

The true "1-Malaysia" slogan which our BN government has been crying out loud for was seen especially at the rally. We have always been a united nation; we do not need that slogan, which I believe is just eye candy. It's just that someone messed things up long ago, causing the disintegration of the unity that our founding fathers had worked so hard to achieve over five decades ago.

This is a country where everyone lives together in harmony - the Malays, Chinese, Indians, Punjabis, Dayaks (in East Malaysia) and the Orang Asli (the indigenous people) - live under one roof, undisturbed. Anyone who ruffles this harmonious society should be banished.

GE13: The Frustrations of It All

Chants of "Ubah, kali inilah!!!" (Change, now's the time) reverberated across the open fields.

The MP for Yong Peng waving at passers-by while supporters
held placards telling people to honk for support. Photo taken
on my way home.

These chants were made by Pakatan (the Opposition coalition) supporters weeks before, every day. The social media was clogged with similar messages to awaken the sleeping voters and fence-sitters, in our quest for a change in the government. We are tired of corruption, we don't want our money to be wasted, we despise racism. I watched countless video clips of political talks on YouTube, and the carnival-like atmosphere in each of them was so electrifying that I told myself that I just had to go back to Malaysia to vote even though I had initially refused for I knew Barisan Nasional (BN) the ruling coalition would chalk up another victory, and every vote counts - apparently. Never mind if I stand to lose an equivalent of RM960 as I had to take a 2-day unpaid leave, and forfeit my allowance. Like others, I too wanted a change, for once. Confidence of a Pakatan win filled the air. But then...

5 May 2013 (Sunday):

It's a day Malaysians would never forget. We made history as never has the percentage of voters achieved more than 80% in many areas. I was at my polling station at 8:15AM - the queues at both channels were extraordinarily long. A young father told his little daughter: "When daddy came last time, it wasn't like that." I couldn't agree more. I waited only a few minutes in 2008 compared to an hour this year. Could it be a sign that a change was about to take place?

Scene at my voting centre (polling station) at 8:15AM
The crowd was much larger than usual at this time 5 years ago

We waited, hearts pounding like a train, for the results to stream in late evening. It trickled. As I watched the marquee scrolling at the bottom of the television screen, BN logos appeared one after another indicating a win for the candidates of BN constituencies. My dad was delighted. I wasn't. Of course if he had known who I voted for, he probably wouldn't be talking to me for days :) Occasional messages came into my mobile phone to inform of unofficial results. I had palpitations when the PKR were thought to be "assaulting" one state which has been BN's stronghold for ages.

It was a race, a closely-fought one. By midnight, it was officially announced that BN has regained power after some heart-stopping moments, but they lost even more seats to the Pakatan coalition of PKR, DAP and PAS. Thanks to the Chinese voters for ousting the irrelevant MCA. This is another historic event.

What I think happened:

I believe there were last minute turncoats, but the reality is that Malaysia is predominantly a Malay country. UMNO, whose members are 100% Malays are the dominating BN party, while the MCA (for the Chinese) and MIC (for the Indians) are just parasite coalition partners who dare not even flick a finger at the supreme UMNO to criticism them. The Malays from UMNO are just not ready for a change, for it means the possibility of not having a good time like what they've been enjoying the past five decades. No more hand-outs of RM500, no more cronyism, no more privileges (the Federal Constitution never said they had one), and so on. I think it is more accurate to say that they do not want a change. Ever. On the contrary, the Malays who have joined either PAS, PKR or DAP are more open to changes, which explains why many constituencies were grabbed by one of the three.

Secondly, Pakatan is partially to be blamed for their under-performance. They have been bickering about who takes which seat, whether the Islamic law would be implemented, about policies that many were unsure would even take off if they win. It is my opinion that Anwar, the PM-in-waiting if the Pakatan wins, made a blunder. In his political speeches nationwide, he had threatened to snatch away all assets of BN's big guns, including that of Mahathir's own son, who by now has already been appointed the Menteri Besar of Kedah. This threat, though pleasing to the ears of the Chinese, Indians and other races, could have sent shivers down the spine of the Malays and given them something to ponder: "Will they lose everything if they let the opposition win?"

The most controversial point is the possibility of fraud, or the rigging of results when BN discovered that they were trailing big time. There were claims that the total votes from one centre did not tally after arriving at the Election Commission's main centre. There was a complaint of a 3-hour blackout at another centre, and additional ballot boxes being brought in out of nowhere. Could it be a coincidence? Only those who were there would know. In the meantime, I'd say these are speculations, and investigations must be conducted.

BN was damn fortunate that their  candidates in both states in East Malaysia (Sabah & Sarawak) won the majority of seats there. They should, considering the fact that the rural natives are quite deprived of information technology, many are not well-educated, and many families are poor. Therefore, it is safest in their point of view to vote for the party that could continue to support (or "support") them. Had the DAP and PKR taken even half of the total number of seats there, the headlines would be different. The morning talk show today would be solemn, to mourn the death of BN. The local papers wouldn't be splashing decals and large photos of BN's victory. In the end, the official results of the 13th General Election showed that BN had 133 seats (140 in 2008) and Pakatan had 89 seats (82 in 2008). Obviously, if BN politicians are smart, they should wake up and see that their popularity is sliding down. DAP has chased BN out of Penang once more. The Pakatan coalition also retained Selangor hands down. In Kelantan, PAS managed to secure the state once more.

This BN guy lost his post as the Chief Minister
when the results were announced

To Penangites and Selangoreans particularly, we salute you for wanting that change and for not bowing to pressures, and listening lies to vote for BN.

I was on the bus this morning back to Singapore a few hours ago. The passengers had indelible ink marks on the index fingers. They were all teens and youths; there wasn't a single elderly on-board. Only the sound of the engine could be heard. The rest appeared silent - there was nothing to cheer. Most would have chosen the opposition; they were likely to have felt totally disappointed that their attempt to call for a change was blocked by betrayers, and by people who preferred complacency over the chance of giving themselves and their families a better life. I'm not sure if Malaysia will ever change; we're unlike America (a president with Muslim heritage), Japan (opposition rules) & Thailand (the first female PM). Malaysian politicians just want to cling to power at any cost.

Back in Singapore, as I was having lunch, I heard someone talking about how some foreigners managed to get an identity card (IC) to vote in Malaysia...

I was truly embarrassed as I hid my index finger from being seen. Remnants of the blue ink are still visible.

A New Singapore?

It is my free day today, and instead of preparing more work, I decided to take a short break and read the online news. One article caught my eye - "Spell Singapore without LKY" - to the uninitiated, LKY is the initials of Singapore's first Prime Minister, Lee Kuan Yew, the founding father of the tiny island. In his three decades at the helm, Singapore has transformed into a renowned global financial and education hub.

 

However, things are changing fast here. Core Singaporeans are disgruntled with new policies that they claim do not benefit them, but only the Members of Parliament. There are cries that the PAP party that has ruled for over 50 years are destroying their rice bowl by employing more foreigners and granting permanent residence to them.

 

A change is inevitable. Eventually another political party rival will rule Singapore but what sort of change that would take place is unseen. I shouldn't be too concerned - but I am - for LKY and his team of nation builders had worked hard for decades to take Singapore to great heights, and it would be a total waste if change brings the worst. Locals, foreigners and tourists have had nothing but praises for the government's efficiency, but I could see that the praise is slowly but surely fading. I myself have witnessed acts that I believe show a change - the opposite way. I see smokers though there are signage to prohibit smoking, I see people spitting on the pavement, I see jaywalkers and I see litters. Bus services are less punctual, buses are so crammed at peak hour, the traffic is heavily congested. Indeed, I understand why Singaporeans are lamenting and yelling at their deaf government, some cursing at the PAP for not doing anything to ease the problem. They blame corruption, greed, lack of interest in public matters. They blame foreigners who are here to earn a living. They blame everyone but themselves - not that they have to be blamed for everything.

 

To be honest and fair, Singapore is still a great place to work and to live in compared to some other Asian countries if you can tolerate the heavy traffic at peak hour, crowded buses as well as hectic face-paced lifestyle. I won't blame the PAP, the authorities or the influx of foreigners. The key issue now is, how the younger generation of politicians are going to handle these issues. Calling these as "problems" is tantamount to blaming someone, yet we know if LKY had not done what he had done, Singapore wouldn't be where it is now. No doubt he has made mistakes. Who doesn't? How will this matter be solved, now that LKY's health is declining as he's already an octogenarian, close to 90 years of age already. He cannot be the Mentor Minister any longer, can he? He is well aware that there must be new blood, and he has explicitly said so, for his era is gone. We're now in the "don't use the rod, it doesn't work anymore" era.

 

I fear for Singapore. When I see my students' attitudes - their arrogance, their crudeness, their lack of knowledge and respect; when I hear their ubiquitous "I don't care", or "Simply do, la" remarks, and their liberal use of the word "fuck" every other minute, I pray that they do not be politicians unless they miraculously transform from a worm into a butterfly by the time they reach 18. Asians have their own conservative values that need to be preserved. While we could allow some Western influence assimilate into our lives, we cannot let that influence fester and cause our unique culture to disappear altogether.

 

Indeed, fresh blood is needed to spur this country forward - or will these newbies suck more blood and put this once-flourishing nation into the doldrums? There will never be another LKY; he has set the foundation. Who will keep the flame burning for Singapore?

 

 

Teaching is Tough

The sky looks threatening, though not grey enough to warrant a great thunderstorm. It is my off day, as usual - the only day I don't go to work, yet I don't feel at ease.

I have been spending most of my free days preparing more work for my students. Well, don't blame me, for I have 20 classes to teach per week ranging from Primary 3 to Secondary 4 - the O Levels kids. That's a total of six different groups of students from ages 9 to 18. I have to teach 30+ hours per 6-day week. Oh yeah, I work on Sabbath Days too for a full eight hours from 9:30 till 5:00PM, inclusive of travel time. On weekdays, classes begin at 4:30PM, but wait, you'll then question me: "Then why are you complaining?" The fact is, unlike other professions, a teacher needs to do preparations - review what has been taught, and plan what to teach for the day in addition to preparing additional worksheets for the smarter kids. THIS is time-consuming. Unless you have been teaching for ages where you could then recycle materials, and unless you're the kind who just copy and paste lock, stock and barrel from the Internet, you will eventually end up working yourself out to the maximum - in the name of educating the students. I started with almost zero since joining last year. Would my agony then be reduced next year? Quite unlikely as I don't recycle too much - unless I'm darn lazy or ill.

You know, each time I have breakfast on weekends at the tuition centres, I am envious of residents lazing around on the bench, cycling with their children, taking a sip of their favourite local coffee while enjoying a good meal of roti canai or ban mian as they read their papers. Life seems to come to a standstill, yet they appear to enjoy every moment of their two off days with their loved ones. Those who are retired enjoy whatever that's left of their lives, collecting pensions and their CPF savings.

 

 

How long can I last? I have no clue. I'm just hanging in there while looking into my soul for something that interests me so that I don't have to keep job-hopping. Someone once said to me, "You won't make it" - well, she can say all she wants as she's having a great life now, but I intend to stay and prove that I can stay on.

 

A prayer helps too.

Unwell Once More

I'm not well - again.

It seems that every month, I will somehow fall ill. I do not recover as quickly as before, and my immunity is lower as time goes on. Prior to coming to Singapore, I had hardly taken any paracetamols when I got ill, but in the past few months, I've taken more Panadols than I've ever done in the past 10 years, and I'm not exaggerating! I remember, once I was ill for a week, and I was so afraid that I would not be able to go to work that I popped in not one, but TWO pills every alternate days for about a week, yet my sore throat and cough didn't go away. I went to see the doctor; his medication worked for a while, but I got the same problem again.

I wonder, is it the food, the weather or what?

Update:

It has been two days, and I had taken one Panadol per day. Well, that didn't work; in fact the pill has hardly any effect on me anymore other than reducing my temperature a bit. The sore throat, the cough are still persistent. So, I had to go to the doctor. People say: "must spend money, then only can be better". True to the hilt.

Roughing in Out

I'm supposed to get some work done. Well, I did actually for a while, but once that's done, I decided to stop completely for the day before I go to work.

I have been lamenting about my job in recent months, more so after getting my second job when the first one made me feel so destitute of a proper life. After much thought, I did something which I believed would be better - I left that job and hopped into something more "adventurous" by being a full time tuition teacher. I thought, "What the heck. I don't have to go back to my hometown so often, so working on Sat and Sun are fine with me." I'm into my fourth month of the new job, and I find that it's not a wise decision after all because when I do need to return for even one day, it's a hassle. I need to make a call, get the admin guy to find a substitute for me, apply for a no-pay leave (because I'm not confirmed yet). Frankly, the 6-months' probation for a tuition teacher is just too much, but then they have a reason for that. In addition to that, I also face the possibility of having my $200 allowance revoked for the month for not fulfilling my obligation of teaching without taking non-gazetted leave.

Yes, it's a classic example of the idiom: "jumping from the frying pan into the fire"

My only consolation is that I have better bosses (yes, that's plural) who won't barge into anyone's class to see how we teach, for they trust us. That doesn't mean we can sit down and rest on our laurels, as two staff had been sacked for breaching contract, for taking too many days off. Just make sure the bosses don't leave a message on your mobile, or that spells trouble. Beside having kind bosses, I have a couple of great colleagues who are in the dark about where I come from. No, I don't practice black magic in class, and I've not turned to the Dark Side (yet), but it's best I remain silent about my personal stuff.

You know, students have asked me if I had injured myself doing National Service, what it was like, and if I were still serving the army. In class, I talked like I was one of their kind - well, I'm not too far from that, anyway - so that they'd not feel distant. I've learnt lots of acronyms like CCA, SA, SS, OE, ORD, BMT which all pure Singaporean teachers and students are familiar with. Their favourite movie: "Ah Boys to Men" (Parts 1 & 2). As a foreigner, I have to assimilate, though where I come from, the culture is very similar.

Jokes aside, it is indeed an excruciatingly tough WORK life here, especially in this second job. I had been warned before jumping ship.  I had been working like an ox since January when enrolment started to grow. How hard? How does teaching 20 classes, 30+ hours and 6 days per week sound to you? I'd spare you the more horrendous details, or you'd just end up dozing off - which you probably are right now. Come to think of it, even oxen are having better days now with new farming machines. I can imagine seeing them basking in the sun wearing shades while watching me work my ass off in the field.

No, I definitely do NOT like what I'm doing now. It's not a bad profession actually, but it's eating me up. Someone once said: "This is slowly killing you inside" - I won't doubt that. Twenty years of being in the same field is a long time. People have asked me to return home to work (and I've completed only a year here), friends have advised me to look for my niche so that I could get out and start new. So, what's my niche? It's for me to find out. Because I'm seriously old (still not wearing dentures, and hair has turned more grey in just 6 months), I can't afford to just take a dive and see where it takes me, can I? That's suicidal.

Just BULLDOZE through it, and have a word of prayer each day and maybe - just maybe my luck will change.

Today in History

It's been 12 months since coming to this Tiny Red Dot as a foreigner. It was just a few years back when I had been cursing at any SG-registered car drivers for flouting traffic rules in Malaysia, particularly in Malacca, where they clog up the narrow streets to purchase tonnes of groceries to be brought back to the island. "It's very cheap", they claimed, which is true, no thanks... to the dwindling currency of my beloved country. I hated them each time I saw their cars. Little did I know that years down the road, I would be part of the labour force in THEIR country, serving as a foreigner.

It is like being in Malaysia because it's a melting pot. But that's where the similarity ends. I have not had any horrifying incident worth writing about, but I could fill up a hard disk if I could tell you the good things about this place. Like any other country, this country is NOT flawless - nowhere on this planet is. After a year residing here, I have praises for the way things are run. It's just amazing at the progress rate despite gaining independence a decade later than Malaysia (at what stage are we now, anyway). Their transportation system, though not as good as it used to be 10 years ago, is still efficient enough to put my motherland's MRT and stage bus service to shame. Their education system is internationally renown. The people here are surprisingly friendly and courteous. Of course there are occasional bloody rude drivers as well, but that has not affected me.

Is there racism? Yes, but it is well-contained. Racists have been sacked from their jobs within 24 hours. Is there crime? Yes, definitely. I have seen crime scene notices on pathways but no one has died of a C4 - yet. I have seen for myself kopitiam patrons leaving their bag in front of me at peak hour, and walking away for a while to get their food. I have also seen pedestrians clutching their wallets to flag a taxi or a bus. Things that I dare not do back home. Yes, this place is perhaps one of the safest around with CCTVs along corridors and on the streets. Read this with a pinch of salt though, for a I know there are many theft victims here too, perhaps isolated to certain areas.

Are things here expensive? As long as you don't convert every damn thing into MYR, some things are pretty affordable (or cheaper). I could get a plate of "char kuih tiau" for $1.50, and plain "roti canai" for 80-90 cents. A McDonald's breakfast meal costs $4.50 (McChicken)- and you could customise your order. It comes with an up-size option (never heard of it till I came here). So why convert when you're earning in dollars? Having said that, it doesn't mean that I'm a wealthy bloke now, for I have to transfer a huge bulk of what I earn to my Malaysian bank account to pay my loans and utility bills. That's the reason I came here... I just could not save in Malaysia. It's more breathable since working here.

Anyway who has worked here will tell you that work life sucks, and I TOTALLY agree. It's a routine - wake up early, come home late. In my case it's worse as I do not have a weekend at all. My only off day is spend preparing for classes. Yes, there's absolutely no life. That's the price to pay for moving here - an opportunity cost. I left a cosy office where I had a room to myself (and a roommate), complete with stationery, phone, computer and printer tagged to my name. Over here though, it's sharing everything - furniture, stationery, books but I have no complains for I have been blessed with great colleagues and good bosses. I have sacrificed comfort to be here. I'm not young, mind you. Friends my age are already at the peak of their career, and I'm starting all over. God has been kind to me, so far - seriously. Health wise, I've been fine.

Locals are complaining of too many foreigners so much so that they have become xenophobic! Sorry, people but I need to earn a living too. Certain foreigners are slowly but surely tainting the good image of this nation. I'm not sure how long I'd be on this island. People back home have asked me to return, but I shall wait and see. There will be no hasty decisions anymore. I'm too old to start all over AGAIN.

Dragon Year 2012

My last post was dated 13 September 2011.

I'm still in my office, which is kind of deserted, as a result of the festive season. I was at the post office this morning, and the clerk asked: "Masih kerja lagi? (Still working?)" and he smiled. He knew that 99% of the Chinese population at my place of work have packed their bags. This is the time when 90% of the staff takes leave and return to their hometowns to prepare for the Chinese New Year (Lunar New Year); many would rush to shopping malls to do last minute shopping for groceries to be stocked in the refrigerator in anticipation that grocery stores will be closed a few days. Many would brave the snarling traffic across the North-South Highway to get home to their loved ones.

I used to feel the excitement of listening to Chinese New Year song, the smell of barbequed pork being sold along the road, the thought of receiving "ang pau" (which I'm not entitled anymore), and the thrill of playing with fireworks and waiting for the clock to strike 12 to mark the beginning of the new year.

I guess, time has changed. ...yeah, it has.

Happy Chinese New Year to all... may you have lots of prosperity and happiness in the Year of the Dragon.

A Dream Traveller

In my entire life, the only other country that I've ever been was Singapore, and that was in my teens decades ago; the only place I travelled by flight was to Sarawak and back when I served there for 3 years as a teacher. I can conclude that in my entire life (till today), I've never actually stepped beyond Malaysia & Singapore while some lucky 10-year-old kid has been to Hong Kong Disneyland, and would be going to Australia end of this year. How I wish that kid was me instead.

I was never born a traveller. I dislike the inconvenience and the tiresome journey after spending hours on the airplane and in transit. Over the past 2 years, especially after my Big-D, friends and relatives have been advising me to get out of my comfort zone and see the world as I'm now a free man. I have been kind of reluctant when I thought of the air fare and the distance.

However, I've come to realise something. I won't live forever; now I'm blogging this post. Tomorrow, I may be gone six feet underground. Life is THAT fragile as we don't know when God will call us home. Before this happens, I am determined to travel though I'm not too sure if I'd do it alone, with a partner, or a group. For someone whose mouth contains tonnes of gold, I think it's wise to go in a group for a start. I'm not rich, despite what others think. Half my salary goes to paying fixed monthly debts, a huge chunk goes to the utility companies, while the rest ... well, I still need my necessities, don't I... leaving nothing much for travelling, and a negative bank balance if I did.

But I'm determined to travel at least once a year. Perhaps to Singapore once more to see the changes - not that I could remember much, anyway. Thereafter, I need to venture away from the little island and see what other continents have to offer. If you've not seen the world, you've read only a page of a book.

Right now, my cup of life is not even half full. I want to fill it up till it overflows if I can. I want to die a well-travelled person, touch the soil of other nations, taste new culinary delights, take snapshots of beautiful beaches and ancient architectures. It's not too late to start. Sounds like a dream? Maybe... maybe not. I think God is all merciful, and He won't take me away so soon. Touch wood!

Facebook is Great, or Is It?

Paul: Hi, I've not seen you in a long time. How have you been?
Pearl: I'm doing good, thanks. Been pretty busy with work actually.
Paul: Oh, really? I thought you've gone MIA.
Pearl: Nah, still here though it's not the best place to be. Look, I've got to run ok?
Paul: OK, sure. By the way, do you have a Facebook account? I'll add you in.
Pearl: That's great.

People, what has happened to the conservative way of exchanging business cards and telephone numbers? The former is purely for business interactions, no more for social relationships - except perhaps in Japan. Exchanging handphone numbers used to be the norm, but now we'd add in Facebook as well.

Just like the iPad fad, Facebooking has become too popular as well; it has become a social networking phenomenon the past few years. It's so easy to set up an account that even an 8-year-old (or younger) could create an account on his own, and I'm not exaggerating.

I've never delved much into Facebook until the past two years when I started connecting to friends, and I've been actively using it in recent months to communicate with my students and long-lost buddies (if they're still alive, that is). I've noticed that the Facebook administrators have been updating the site with more features which enable users to get connected even easier. However some new features actually expose unsuspecting users to newer threats. We are now concerned with not only privacy invasions and identity thefts, but also criminal acts like virtual stalking that could possibly lead to abduction. Yup, I'm talking about this craze of using a new feature known as "Check-in" where Facebook is able to track your location (because you allow it to do so) thus allowing you to keep in touch with your friends, and telling them where you are. It works like a GPS. The only benefit I see is that your daddy would at least know where you are, if you're still in possession with your phone by then.

Watch this video clip, and hope you'd make the right move. For me, I'd just stick to what Facebook is meant to be used as - a social networking tool, not a tool to announce my whereabouts every second of the day.

The Price of Technology

Technology helps; technology destroys. Which one would you prefer?

Go to any restaurant and look around you. The place is crowded, yet silent. You see families with kids, yet you don't hear sounds of children whining and crying from the tables around you. Yup, they have been sedated by a new tranquilizer called technology. You see them holding phones and tablet PCs in their hands as they wait for the food to be served. It's not uncommon to see everyone in the family staring at their own handheld devices sending messages, playing games or surfing the Net. What has happened to family interaction? It's quite dead, actually. Mommy doesn't talk to daddy; little boy/girl is in his own world immersed in his "Plants and Zombies" game.

You'll see the same scene at home. Daddy is watching television, mommy is blogging her latest travel adventure, their teenage son is engrossed in Facebooking, oblivious to what is happening in the house. They hardly ever go to the park as a family anymore, have a picnic, talk about anything under the sun. 

Ask any teen about what Merdeka is about, the contributions of former politicians to the nation, the world's population, names of capital cities, the causes of tsunami... chances are, they know nothing much, or nothing at all because all they ever do when given an assignment is copy wholesale and paste into Microsoft Word, ready to be submitted to their teacher a soon as they could. I recently gave my students a topic on how to overcome gangsterism in schools. Guess what?  Even with my assistance, it took them some time to think of the points and elaborations. That's what copying and pasting does to students. 

Sad, huh?

Whypad?

It's not very often that I get a long break. This time, because of Hari Raya and compulsory leave, I got the whole week off, and here I am at my sister's place in KL. The road is still clogged with cars though, if you drive out at peak hours.

The first thing I noticed when I got into my sister's house was the presence of a ubiquitous device - a machine that needs no introduction, a gadget that all 4-year-olds would beg for their next birthday. Yup, it's the iPad. I saw not only one, but three iPads. That's one each for my brother-in-law, one for my sister and one for my 8-year-old niece. They were using it not for work but for playing Smurf, Baking Dash and stuff like that, as well as making full use of its Wifi capability to surf the Internet. I'm not gonna ask if they had actually bought three, but I think I heard my bro-in-law saying that one belonged to his mother who lives just next door.

What's this thing with the iPad that has everyone, from tiny tots to adults, go a gaga? To find out, I got hold of my niece's iPad when she wasn't using it. Well, now I know why this expensive toy is a craze. It's not the price that matters, it's the technology that comes with it that everyone finds irresistible. A capacitive touch screen (just a light touch to activate the icons), crystal clear screen, zooming in and out by "pinching" the screen with your fingers and flipping page-by-page with your index finger. There are plenty of games (mostly paid ones) that could keep a kid silent for hours, giving adults lots of tranquility, and time to do their chores. Yeah, I must admit that I'm hooked to it, but not to the extent of being so highly addictive till I'd forget my meals.

Would I get one myself? As much as I'd like to, I won't. I've already spent a fortune on my credit card and utility bills as well as repaying the house and car loans to finance companies. At over RM1,500  I could have meals, groceries and household needs. With the same amount of money, I'd rather get a brand new LCD television so that I could enjoy some good movies at home, or just save the amount for a rainy day.

Indeed... the iPad is meant for those who could afford it. If you can't, then don't burn a big hole in your pocket just because your kid has been bugging you nuts day in and day out.

Kids, kids, kids.

A: Mom, what's that?
B: That's a tablet PC.
A: Is it an i-Pad?
B: ?? How did you know about i-Pad?
A: My friend has it. He got it for his birthday.
B: Oh ok.
A: Can I have that for my birthday too, mom?
B: No, you can't, A. It's not good for your eyes.
A: But my friend has it and his eyes are ok.
B: Maybe now his eyes are OK, but many years later, his eyesight will be bad.
A: Why mom?
B: That's because the screen gives out radiation, which is bad for the eyes.
A: People must wear glasses when their eyes are bad?
B: Yeah.
A: So, you're wearing glasses because you use i-Pad too?
B: No, mom and dad don't have i-Pads. We don't need one.
A: But i-Pad is so popular now, mom. Friends will laugh at me if I don't have one. Can you buy one, please? Please?
B: OK. You get first place in your final exam, and I'll get you one, ok?

Does this sound familiar to you? Children are not only getting more techno-savvy, they're also getting much more inquisitive and smarter. They know how to weave their way around their parents to get what they want. In order to handle SuperKids like this, parents need to be more cautious when dealing with their kids' demands. The days where we stare at them in anger are gone. They're no longer afraid of us. We can't spank them, we can't scold them. We need to exercise plenty of patience and understanding as to what makes them tick, and that is no easy task.

Kids are indeed getting more difficult to handle, but not impossible.

New Kids

Don't be duped by the title. I'm not having a kid - maybe never will. :-)
What do these have in common?

• iPad
• iPod
• iPhone
• Blackberry
• tablet PC
• android

Well,  these are words that come out of the mouths of kids as young as 5-years-old these days. They know what these gadgets are, they could pronounce them well enough even before they go to kindergarten. Of course, their parents help them, or else they wouldn't know, would they?

Modern kids are techno-savvy, and that's because of the exposure they get when the eat out with their parents. In school, they see their friends play with these gadgets, so they would coax their parents to get one for them. Just ask a kid what they want for Christmas or for their birthdays. Chances are, they'd ask for a digital camera, a handphone or some latest techno stuff in the market. Presents like pencil boxes, school bags, books, Lego and Megablocks have lost their popularity years ago. DUH.... what? Yes, you can say that again.

Is there a way to keep them away from technology till they're old enough to handle them? The answer is a melancholic "No" because parents have to say "Yes" to their kids' demands; they don't want their kids to be left far behind. "No" has suddenly been excluded from the vocabulary of a child born in the 21st century. These are the TechnoKids who have their own Facebook accounts at a young age, and who could teach their ageing parents how this website works. These are the kids who know what a blog is, and own their own blogs.

So what if my kid asks for an iPad, you may ask. Well, they could have all the latest gadgets money can buy, but they'll lose out on finer things in life - like socializing with REAL people in REAL neighbourhoods; learn to be better citizens, and not be too materialistic. To those who could afford to equip their kids with these ridiculously expensive devices which interest the little ones for just a brief moment before these machines are replaced with newer models, well and good. What about those who can't? I have no answer for that. Personally, I'd rather go for moderation, taking the middle path.

We live in a scary world. It is getting scarier by the day. Children are at least 5x smarter than their parents, and are five times as quick to learn new things. Hopefully, this change would create a better world, not destroy it.

The Right Person - my foot!

"Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship; it's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the very end." - Anonymous.

How many times have we heard people say:

• "I've found the right man."

• "I've not found the right person yet"

The irony is that, although they've finally found the "right" person, there's no guarantee that the relationship will work out just fine. How does one define "right"? Do we look at a person's physical attributes, their personality, or perhaps their wealth, educational level and social status? 

Personally, if you put too much criteria in looking for partner, then in due time, your relationship will go down the drain. Do you know why - because it's just a fallacy; we believe we've found the exact person that fits our criteria, and on that basis, we begin to supposedly care for them. Years (or months) down the road, you then realise that both of you don't seem to care that much anymore. You do things your way, they do things their way. You have tried hard to please your other half and to show that you cared, but you got nothing in return. Instead you took all the blame, you got shot down each time you made a mistake and you might even feel like you're a slave in your own home. You suddenly find yourself in a tight situation - being dominated by a domineering life partner, and feel like you've got yourself a monster. If you're in this situation, then it means you've got your math all wrong from the start.

The right person to be with is the person whom you can care FOR till the end of your life. It takes two to tango. You don't need an astrologer to tell you that. Two people might quarrel every other day but that doesn't necessary mean there's no care, or that you're both a mismatched couple. Arguments happen in the household when there are differences in opinions. Silence is not good. Having a dominating mate isn't an indication that no care would be given or expected either because no two humans are the same. Even twins are not really duplicates of each other. You might initially dislike a person, but over time, care can be displayed in discreet ways. The question is: Can you sustain the care that you give till the end of your lifespan if both of you intend to be together forever more? Can both hands eventually clap?

Charity Begins at Home

You see the piggy bank (picture below) and a stack of money beside it? I call it my Bamboo Bank. The money has been in the container for a few months already, and I've been waiting for the need to use that money. Well, I've just found that need. The contents of my Bamboo Bank will be given to the Japan Quake Relief Fund via World Vision (WV) which I'm a member. Too bad WV doesn't have a branch in little Malacca town, so I've to send a Money Order to its branch in Petaling Jaya instead.



My Bamboo Bank: A bit each day



The money in this container came from two sources. I placed the container on my desk, and I make it a point to put in either 20 sen or 50 sen each day I come to work. Yup, that's my own money. On top of that, 10% of the proceeds of my MUET tuition class goes into the Bamboo Bank too. So far I don't have any more students (sad), so there's nothing much to donate next time. The total amount that I'm sending to the relief fund is RM170.00 (approx. US$50), and that's enough to feed a small family simple meals for a few days.

Notice that the Bamboo Bank that you saw in the picture is specially made. It's made of recyclable material (cardboard and aluminum). This will be my permanent donation box. I got it from Tzu Chi when I attended training there last year. Well, I'm a very passive member... bad boy.

Teach your children to be charitable, but first you need to be charitable, too in order to be a good role model. If those in the lower economic status group could afford to put in small amounts into their own piggy banks each day, I don't see why those in the middle and upper classes can't do so. The Malay has this proverb: "Sedikit, sedikit, lama-lama jadi bukit." (Literally translated: Little by little, eventually it becomes a hill.)" - I'm sure you've heard of that. 

Note: Check out this article, written in 2006/07, before you leave my blog. It really makes you wonder...

Nuclear Programme in Malaysia?

For the past few days, news about the instability of the nuclear reactors in Japan dominated the headlines. The radiation, apparently, is spreading toward United States and Europe. To me, this is really critical. Let's hope for the best and continue praying for the victims.

While people are suffering because of the possibility of a massive nuclear blowout, Malaysia is thinking of having its own nuclear programme. I guess some people at the top think with their backsides. Our former Prime Minister, Dr Mahathir, was probably right when he said that we don't know much about nuclear and fission. Therefore, we can imply that it is not a good idea to have any kind of nuclear programme in this country.

We tend to believe that we will never be hit by natural calamities like tsunami or earthquake because this country is not located within the moving plates of the earth. We forgot that when tsunami struck Acheh a few years back, it hit Penang and some coastal areas too, though the impact wasn't great. We have to remember that the climate has changed, and no one is able to tell what's happening right under our homes.

Malaysia cannot emulate other countries in some areas. There's nothing to prove, but lots to lose if things go wrong. If you're agreeable to have a nuclear plant in Malaysia, then read this local news. If not, then welcome to the no-nuclear club.

On Disasters

Read the papers, listen to the news. What do we see? Sadness, anguish, fear. First it was the massive earthquake, then ferocious tsunami. Disaster has struck Japan real bad, and then the wave hit Hawaii and part of the U.S. Even China felt it. Now there's a threat that the nuclear reactor might be leaky, thus emitting radiation. If I remember correctly, only a few days back I read about a disease threat. Some of my friends are ill, having flu-like symptoms. What does all this mean? 

It means the climate and whatever that is under our feet are changing rapidly but we can't see it till tragedy happens. It also means that this is the time to do your part to help victims of such calamities. You can give financial, spiritual, emotional and physical support. This is the time for philanthropists to help rebuilt cities that have been destroyed, not just donate only to show that you're the founder of an organisation.

It also means you'll receive flyers and newsletters telling you that God is showing his wrath, so you must repent. Others would say it's a sign that Armageddon is near.  I say that you need not worry. The end of the world will come, but not in our lifetime, so please don't bother about what others tell you about 2012 - the year when the end of the world is said to occur. What you must do now is to pray for those in need of your prayers.

Malaysians are lucky not to have to go through this disaster. If our country were to have a disaster, it would be a political one where half-baked politicians incite hatred against the people using the race card as their weapon to retain power. We have seen what had happened (e.g.: calling Malaysian-born Chinese "immigrants", the cow head issue, using the word "Allah" in sermons & newsletters) and is still happening right now. They never will learn, so please vote them out in the next General Election. We used to be a harmonious nation; we don't need disastrous politicians that will do nothing but break this country apart as quickly as tsunami destroyed parts of Japan.

UPDATE:

A volcano, Mount Karangetang in Indonesia has erupted. It is located around Sulawesi.It happened hours after the tsunami in Japan (last week). I don't remember hearing about this in the news, did you?

Powerful Money

One of the issues that lead to marital breakdown is shortage of money. That's right. Couples argue about the lack of financial means to keep the family afloat. Bills have yet to be paid due to insufficient funds, some purchases need to be postponed and meals have to be cut down to only once or twice a day. I'm not pointing fingers at any particular reason, but one thing's for sure - if I'm not careful, I'd be in the same predicament though it will not reach melting point unless I get thrown out of the company I work for.

There is a saying: "Money is not everything; money is not the most important thing in the world."

While that is true, we need to be realistic. We don't wear dried leaves as our clothing or use stones as knives anymore, do we? The days of the Flintstones are long gone. We don't pluck copper coins from money trees. We have to earn every single penny to feed ourselves, and if we have a family, or intend to do so, we need to earn even more to cater to the needs of our wife and children (and parents/parents-in-law). Money is so important that without it, getting married is impossible. It is so vital that if you lose money through mismanagement of funds - not through foolishness like gambling - you'll might lose your loved ones.

In the family institution, men are always looked upon as the "Money God" as they are responsible for ensuring that everyone has their basic needs looked into - clothes, food, shelter and education. For this reason, it is my personal belief that even if a woman earns enough salary for the family, she would still dump her other half if he's out of job or can't seem to bring in additional funds so that the family could enjoy some extra comfort and entertainment. Of course, you cannot deny that there are non-working moms who could just depend on their husbands for financial support, and they both don't mind about it as there is mutual agreement;  there are also non-working dads in the same scenario, but how many are THAT fortunate?

The reality is, the minute you mention that you're running out of cash, your other half sees a red flag. If you're married, there will be discussions on how to improve your financial standing. If you're in a relationship, chances are, the other half would just give you a final kiss if the situation remains status quo, pack up the belongings and leave you for greener pastures.

That's how powerful money is...  so, if you're in financial distress, get some help - not from loan sharks, but from a professional fund manager, or if you cannot trust them, just discuss with your partner how to get over the financial difficulty. There will definitely be sacrifices that both of you (and your children) have to make, but unless you're born into a wealthy family, you have no choice.

I don't want to run out of money, I don't want to lose my loved one, and I don't want to be insane. Now let's see... where can I get part time job at this age, huh?

Horrified with Relationships

If you've been in just one relationship, and marry that person in the end, then you're really a lucky person. In reality, this doesn't happen to many of us who have had at least two relationships prior to getting hitched for good. Some never make it despite dating numerous times, and they become singles for life.

It's tough. Being in a relationship, to me, is somewhat like walking in the jungle without a guide. The scene is fresh, the sights are beautiful, the water is pristine and the air is clean. However, you don't know if you're going into the direction that leads you out into the open. Some will be trapped forever, thus will never be able to find their way out. What's worse is that along the way, you find a person who presumably is a guide, follows you, tells you where to go but just when you start having confidence that the guide is your ultimate saviour, there's a distraction from a pretty sight, the guide bids farewell and leaves you without a trace.

That is an analogy of a relationship. You find someone you truly love, do things together, share jokes and problems, but somewhere along the romantic path, this same person finds another partner and tells you to go away. Let's be more explicit. You allow your partner to go on a trip, assuring yourself that your partner is in good hands and that things will remain status quo. In fact, there is nothing to be concerned about as both of you have been in love for months. Alas, while on the plane, your partner gets attracted to one of the passengers. When your partner returns, you find a change. There is not much communication going on, lesser fun, far lesser bedroom activities and more arguments. It makes you wonder why you let this person take that trip in the first place. Imagine seeing a text message that reads: "Hi, we need to talk when I get home." - and it is sent on another flight with another person.

Ouch!! I'm hurt. Are you?



Back in Facebook

I was down in the dumps for over 24 hours two days ago, and within that period, I deactivated my Facebook account as I was so frustrated about everything, and I didn't want to share my problems with others because they could be judgemental or they could just scoff at the comments that I make.

Somehow, I also realise that when there is no place to vent that same emotional "outburst", and when there's no one around whom you could talk to, I had to reactivate the account, and I'm grateful that Facebook doesn't permanently delete users' accounts without the latter's written authorization.

In Freddy Krueger's words: "I'm baaaack!"

Time to Go Home

The past four decades have taught me just too many things from the good and bad experiences that I've had. The good experiences will be kept close to me even when I'm gone. Unfortunately, the bad experiences keep recurring, I'm unable to uphold morality, thus bringing shame to everyone who are close to me or causing stress to my loved ones - family, friends and relatives.

I would like to thank everyone, especially this particular person, for being there when I was in deep trouble. Thanks, for lending an ear without fail the past 12 months or so, and for lifting my mood when I was down. However, I've disappointed you repeatedly as a friend and I beg for forgiveness,

Thanks to all those who have read / been reading my posts without fail. It is you who have encouraged me to keep blogging till today... but now it's time to leave. Leave everything.

God bless everyone.

Just Some Garbage Stuff

I've not blogged in a long time out of sheer laziness, and plain numbness of my mental faculty. Those who follow my posts regularly will find that most of my posts have melancholic and solemn tones. Today's post is no different because I've nothing exciting to share but lots of emptiness to pour.

Everywhere I go, I observe people - the elderly smiling and spending their remaining years with friends. I see teens half-embracing and attempting to smooch in a secluded corner of a shopping mall but couldn't out of shyness. I see married couples arguing then reconciling. I see people spending like nobody's business each time there's a big sale and going home gleefully with armfuls of shopping goodies.

Don't they have anything to worry about? I guess they do, but they just discard them temporarily, or perhaps they're reached Nirvana or enlightenment, so nothing at all bothers them.

I don't know what I'm talking about here, but I do know that I'd like to go to sleep now without having to worry about what is gonna happen tomorrow (and the next), and without stressing people out.

Research: To Do or Not to Do

Doctors do research to look for cures for illnesses. Engineers do research to see if they could come up with safer designs for buildings. Teachers also need to do research to look for ways to enhance learning. But what about something more specific like language teachers? What are they researching for?

Over the past years, local universities are so crazy about doing researches, not realising that in the social science field, it is tough to come up with research that is niche. Social science people are unlike those in the pure science and engineering field where there are too many things to discover and too many new inventions that could be made. Why do universities keep pushing their staff to do research when sometimes there's hardly anything to research on? Why can't these academicians do what they do best - impart knowledge, which should be paramount, rather than unwillingly dwell into research? Yes, research does contribute to acquisition of new knowledge, but can everyone do research? And if an academic staff doesn't do research, does that mean they're inadequate, inefficient and less knowledgeable, therefore do not deserve good annual appraisals or salary increments?

I'm not against doing research, but making research compulsory for all staff in order to fulfill a university's Key Performance Indicators (KPI), is not a good way to encourage research, for the focus will be on meeting the KPI rather than the purpose, outcome and value of the research to the institution, community or nation. Could the research culture be forced into unwilling researchers this way? I've done a research when I did my masters' (still at it), and I can tell you that it is not easy, and not everyone is cut out to be a researcher. I find it tough to analyze results and to synthesize articles that I read for my research, and that's why it is taking me so long to complete my thesis, if I ever complete it.

Anyone who aspires to be a researcher - even an amateur one - firstly needs to love reading, and have interest in an area of research. Then he also needs to have an analytical mind or else it would be very difficult to synthesize articles, use the correct instruments, report findings and make recommendations. Forcing anyone to do a research would possibly lead to plagiarism, and result in half-baked efforts.

So, what would you want to research on? How would you go about it?

Slow Drivers

How fast can you drive? 80km/h? 160km/h? Does speed matter? To a certain extent, speed does matter if you're in a hurry to reach your destination. On a freeway, you could drive 160km/h or more though the speed limit is a mere 110 km/h in our country. You'll still arrive in one piece provided your car tires and engine are in top condition, and your driving skills is 9 out of 10.

However, not everyone is able to handle that kind of adrenaline rush. This does not make them a sissy. I believe there are many tortoises out there who are careful drivers, and they're slow because they want to be safe, and they want their passengers and other drivers on the road to be safe too. On the other hand, driving at a snail's pace on a freeway is a bit too much because freeways are not built for extremely slow drivers.

People drive super fast because they like the thrill of having the adrenaline pumping through their heads and feeling good when they arrive at their destination. Others don't want the thrill, but the enjoyment of cruising along at a constant speed. If you're in a hurry, well... drive a little faster but just be sure that you're careful.

If a driver drives slow and you push them to go faster, chances are, you might not arrive your destination in one piece. Slow or fast, drive safely - that's what matters most.

A Reason for Everything

There is an explanation for everything. Or is there? As far as I'm concerned, things happen for a reason, and we do not need to know the reason for it to happen because we won't until you see the outcome. Then all of a sudden, it strikes you: "Oh, now I see why it happens."

Scenario 1:

You've been working in Company A for a long time as a junior executive. One fine day, you were told of a Voluntary Separation Scheme (VSS) and before you know it, you're out of job. You're severely depressed and wonder why must it be you. You look high and low, and finally secure a new job. While in this new firm, you not only got promoted quickly to a manager but also got yourself a life partner.

Scenario 2:

You're in a relationship with a great man, and you believe things will work out well. Then he meets a new colleague, goes out with her a couple of times. Before long, he tells you that he's moving out of your life as he's found the one he truly loves. You wonder, you've loved him so dearly and cared immensely for him, why is he betraying you? To get away from it all, you run to another State so that your mind does not think too much of the excruciating pain of being dumped. You get support from your new colleagues there and you finally find true love.

Scenario 3:

You're on the verge of filing for mutual divorce. One day, he calls you and informs that his mother is very ill and asks you for help. You agree but you were adamant that will not change your mind about the divorce as you'd been so tired of his attitude. On the day you visit his mom, he is there by her bedside. You chat with him and his mom. Then his mom asks you to forgive him and give him another chance to change. You give it a thought. You feel sorry for being so silly. You reminisce the good times you had with him, and you don't want your child to suffer as a result of the divorce. In the end, you shred the papers and return to his arms. Can you explain that?

Things like this happen again and again and again... someone will be hurt; someone will be happy.

From Being Homeless to Having a Good Job

I came across this video yesterday. It showed this homeless unkempt man trying to make a living off the streets. But then, just 24-hours later, things changed for him... when I saw his transformation this morning, I smiled. I was so happy for him - happy that someone out there heard him and helped him. I just wonder if such things have happened, or will ever happen in this country.

God bless Ted Williams. He'll do good from now on.

What Do Women Want, ah?

They want the 3Cs and the 5Cs - horrors!!! That's so cliche....

While it is true that there are some women who look for the "Cs", in general, I believe that most don't. There's no specific list as to what they actually want from you as each woman's want is different. As an individual, you have to make a study of the woman you are attracted to, and learn what makes them tick. Let me give you a list of what I believe women want from men. I call it the 3Cs and 3Rs:

My 3Cs

• Caring (not only when she's sick)
• Courageous (not only to protect them from criminals)
• Committed (not just a touch and go relationship)

My 3Rs

• Respectful (mutual, not one-sided)
• Real love (not love for lust or beauty)
• Responsible (not running away when things go wrong)

Notice that I didn't say anything about money and beauty because money can be earned if you know how, and beauty is only temporary.

So, good luck if you're looking for a woman now. :-)

Chinese New Year Already???

Well, Christmas is supposed to last 12 days. Remember the song "The 12 Days of Christmas"? - or at least till 31 Dec. 2010 but what I saw at a local shopping mall yesterday pissed me off.

Chinese New Year deco on the ceiling

Chinese New Year greeting at the entrance!

I'm not a devout Christian, and I have never celebrated Christmas except this year. What I want to know is why the hell has this shopping centre begun putting up Chinese New Year (CNY) decorations and greetings when the festival is on 3 Feb. 2011? That's nearly 2 months ahead of time. Where is the respect for Christmas? Can't they wait till a week later to start their massive CNY promotions?

The same thing happens with other festivals. Our festive seasons are now highly commercialised that they have lost their true meaning and value, no thanks to such ignorant acts. Festivals equals major shopping spree at great discounts.

This is not the 1-Malaysia that we want. In fact, this has nothing to do with 1-Malaysia at all but has everything to do with profit-making.