Just Listen

My students had their presentations today. One of them didn't turn up, and as a result, his partner had to present alone. He didn't know what had happened to his best friend, though he knew that his friend had a problem.

Then at lunch, another student stopped me at the cafe and informed me that the absent student would like to do his presentation. Of course, I was annoyed. He was absent for the presentation, left his best friend alone, and yet he wanted to present later. Anyway, I told the messenger to ask that student to see me at 1:00 PM because I'd like to hear from him the reason for his absence, but there's no guarantee that I'd allow him to present.

Just before 1:00 PM, the boy came into my office and he had beads of sweat on his neck. His first words were "I'm sorry... I hope you'll let me explain... not sure if you'll accept or not." - I had no reason to be mad so I listened tentatively to his excuse. Apparently, he had a major argument with his dad the previous night over the phone. It had something to do with his studies here, and the fees. He wanted to be independent, but his father appears to control him. I reminded him that he should have at least informed his best friend, but he said he didn't want him to know. Then, I allowed him to present...

After presenting, he apologised again and continued his story. I continued listening to him ... he didn't have a good childhood, he wanted to be on his own as he didn't like to be controlled, he likes to visit other countries and help if he could, he wanted to study here. He talked about his country which oppresses its people, and he didn't like that. ... he wanted to be successful - on his own because he said: "What if there's no one there for me (one day)?"

I offered a bit of advise. I didn't want to talk too much as I'm not qualified enough to advise. Often, if we have nothing better to say, it's wiser to just listen. It means a lot to the other party - just a smile or a nod would sometimes suffice. And I remember him saying "I need someone to talk to... " - well, I hope he'll sort things out eventually but no matter what, he still has to come for a test in two days' time.